To He Who Overcomes

Essays on Surrendering to Jesus and the Power of the Holy Spirit to Overcome Pornography Addiction

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  • Out of Darkness, Into the Light

    “1 John 1:5-7: 5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

    Have you ever been afraid of the dark? Ever had an uneasy feeling in the middle of the night when it’s dark in your bedroom or you get up to use the bathroom and look down the dark hallway? Have you experienced nightmares or night terrors waking up in a cold sweat? Do you ever get the distinct feeling that the darkness is not for us and we are not for the darkness? That we were made for something else? Is it possible we were never meant to be in the darkness at all but rather that we were created as beings of the Light?

    Adam and Eve walked in perfect harmony with God in the Garden of Eden. God himself walked with them! After Adam sinned, they were cast out of God’s presence. Spiritually, cast out of the light of God and into the darkness of sin and evil. Jesus says in Matthew 22:13 speaking in a parable “13 Then the king said to the servants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, [a]take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’” I have often heard it said that the most pain Jesus experienced during his crucifixion was not the beating, whipping, crown of thorns, or being nailed to the cross – those pains were physical and horrific yes, but the spiritual pain he felt during the 3 hours of darkness on the cross, when God the Father turned his back on him and Jesus could only scream out “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?” was far, far worse, and something no other human can ever understand in this life. But sadly, for those who reject Jesus, they will experience this in the next life as they are cast into “outer darkness”. The book of Exodus recounts the 9th plague of “darkness” and says ” 21 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, [a]darkness which may even be felt.” Darkness that can be felt?? No thank you! There is a reason God kept this plague of darkness for the ninth plague, second to last, just before the worst the deaths of the firstborn. This darkness was supernatural and was so dark that the Egyptians could even feel it. That is a picture of the separation from God in Hell that awaits those who reject Jesus. But be of good cheer! By Jesus’ life, death and resurrection he has restored our access to the true light of God and we can be reconciled to God and once again walk in his eternal Spiritual light! Come to Jesus, and by accepting Jesus’ free gift of salvation and putting your faith and trust in him, you will walk for all eternity in God’s Light and can begin to experience that same Light as you walk through this life as well. But also fear and tremble for those who reject Jesus and choose to live in the darkness of this world!

    When I was a kid I recall various vivid memories of being terrified in of the dark, especially after watching some movie that freaked me out. In particular, I recall being about 4 years old the first time I watched Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Not a movie we usually associate with things that are scary or something that we’d call “horror” but if you watch it again and pay close attention we see that this is a terrifying story, horrific ordeal for the children and Willie Wonka is a character we could easily classify as a nut job. The author of the original book “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl, considered the story a “Karmic” tale showing the results of the children’s poor behavior, simply speaking, there are consequences of our actions – including the good choices of Charlie at the end of the movie resulting in him “passing” the test and winning the ultimate prize. That’s all fine and dandy but do you recall the scene where a child is sucked up into a tiny pipe of chocolate sauce? How about a child literally thrown down the garbage shoot that leads to the factories’ furnace? Maybe that classic scene where Willie Wonka looses his mind singing a demented song while going through a tunnel of “horror” in the small boat while the Oompa Loompas row faster and faster all while scenes of deranged “things” play behind him? Any of these could give a kid nightmares, but for me, it was the scene where Violet Beauregarde, greedily and without caution, chews some experimental gum and eventually “blows up” into a blueberry. I was terrified for days!

    As I grew older, I eventually had nightmares from other movies as well. Jaws, Close Encounters of Third Kind, The Nutty Professor (specifically the scene where he “Blows up” to Godzilla size, I wonder if there is any correlation to that Blueberry girl earlier in life?), the list goes on and on. Eventually, as a teenager, I was obsessed with all kinds of movies but in particular, scary movies. Horror movies, psychological thrillers, Violent movies, anything that would give me an “unsettling feeling” or anything that others would be scared by or grossed out by. I got some sort of “high” knowing I was crossing the line. There is a sinful nature within us as humans that is drawn towards sin. We are naturally pulled away from God and towards “evil” things we know are not good for us and we know cross a line. Things we know could get us into trouble, half the fun is the “thrill” of potentially being caught. We tend to skirt the line of what is acceptable and what’s not. But God, through his Son Jesus, his Apostles, and other bible writers, clearly wants us to flee at all costs from that line! Run out of the darkness and into the Light of Christ! Jeremiah 17:9 says ““The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?”. Looking back on this now, I believe I watched scarier and more horrifying movies as a way to “overcome” my child hood fears of scary movies by pride and self will “Nothing can scare me” type mentality. As I continued with this obsession of horrors movies, the types of movies I watched grew worse and worse, more depraved and more horrific and violent/gory movies came before my eyes. Eventually watching movies that objectify women, scenes of rape and torture were common in movies I would seek out. Scenes of ultra violence and gore – just like any other addiction, the “high” requires more and more or worse and worse to get the same result. At that time, I was stealing movies by illegally downloading torrent files constantly on the internet. Trying to find movies that most people have never heard of but that would fall on “top 10 most disturbing movies of all time” lists I found on the internet. Needless to say, I was allowing the darkness inside my soul to run rampant, feeding my flesh by putting all manner of evil in front of my eyes. This all progressed and fed into my 15 year pornography addiction. Desensitizing myself to evil, horror, and violence paired well with watching porn as there were no thoughts of what the woman I was lusting after was going through in her life. Who she was, does she know the Lord Jesus, did she want to be doing this, was she forced into it, what’s her day day job, does she have kids how did she end up in that room in front of that camera? None of these thoughts crossed my mind. A mind with no senses or “desensitized” minds (zombies?) do not give reasonable thought to what they are watching, only wanting more dopamine spikes from the visuals in front of there eyes. This is pure selfishness and at the root, pure evil originating from our sinful natures.

    In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us that what we put in front of our eyes matters! It matters so much more than most of us know, understand, or ever want to admit. In Matthew 6: 22-23, Jesus says “22 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” – Ouch! I was choosing to put darkness into my eyes! Therefore, my whole body was full of darkness. Now, Jesus here, as well as the passage from 1 John 1: 5-7 at the beginning of this post, are not talking about literal light (as in light from the sun) and darkness (as in the absence of light from the sun), they are teaching us about spiritual light and spiritual darkness. Our spirits within us are constantly being fed from the world around us. They are fed through the things we see (and yes through things we hear but we are focusing on our eyes currently) and Jesus is very clear, if you look at good things allowing them into your heart, your body will be full of light. If you look at bad things, your body will be full of darkness. This is why, as a recovering porn addict and horror movie enthusiast, it has been of the utmost importance for me to 1) first take a good stock of my life and consciously address each and every thing I’m putting in front of my eyes and ask the question “is this light” or “is this darkness” or another way is the question “is this going to fed my spirit with light and draw me closer to God or fed me with darkness drawing me away from God?” and 2) for me to not only acknowledge the darkness in front of my eyes but to take aggressive action against that darkness by removing those things from in front of my eyes and ultimately from my life (we must not be hearers only but doers of the Word of God!). Jesus also tells us in Matthew 18:9 “9 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into [a]hell fire.”. Here Jesus is NOT advocating for bodily mutilation. He is speaking of the heart. Inside your heart, with the Holy Spirit’s help, you must take drastic measures, aggressive measures in some cases to keep yourself pure and to eliminate the darkness from before your eyes. To avoid everything that I was looking at, ingesting, and allowing through my eyes, into my mind and into my heart and body would take nothing more than a spiritual heart surgery! By God’s transforming grace, and by yielding one step at a time to the Holy Spirit’s influence in my life (for more on this read “Under his influence” which you can find in my “Recommended Reading Page”), I am at this moment sober of pornography use for over 4 years and I haven’t watched a horror movie in more than 5 years. At the beginning I was inundated with evil images, memories of past porn use, past movies I watched, and I had nightmares – the worst I’ve ever had in my life, this spanned the first 3-5 months and pushed me to seek professional help from a therapist to navigate through this initial “withdrawal” period of time (I highly encourage you to be willing to do the same if and when you may need it such help). I’ll be very honest, I have days where those past images and memories I haven’t thought of in years all of a sudden come back to the front of my mind. Any images we’ve allowed into our eyes have been seared into our subconscious. Honestly, things I saw only for moments, years ago, have come up in dreams, or thoughts recently within the past few years – the brain imprints these things even if we don’t think it does! However, I take those thoughts captive before Christ (2 Cor 10: 4-6) and let them go, moving on from them and remembering that thoughts are not sins so I don’t beat myself up about them! Thoughts are nothing more than bees flying around your head, they may fly by and bother you, but you do not have to let them stop and build a hive in your brain. As I walk with the Lord growing in him daily, the amount of these images and memories and bad dreams have drastically decreased. There is a direct correlation between the amount of darkness in front of our eyes and the mount of darkness in our minds and hearts – there is a progression of “cleansing” as you begin to remove the evil from your eyes, as you spend time in Jesus’ presence your inner man is cleansed and purified becoming one day at a time more like Christ – the Bible calls this sanctification.

    From July 1st through Oct 15th of 2025 I went on an “all video media” fast. This included no TV, no Movies, no video games, no Youtube, no use of the internet for anything other than work or “admin” type activities (i.e. doing taxes, updating your car insurance, online banking, etc.) no social media, etc. This was very difficult at first but once I got rolling, relying on Jesus and the Holy Spirit, it got much easier and oh wow, how much time I have now and how I can see the difference between the “old” man and the “new” man Paul is talks about! No more excuses for why I can’t read my Bible or Pray! I then came off the fast over the holidays and I could sense the difference in me. Going from a pure state of no evil in front of my eyes (not that all video media in and of itself is inherently evil or that Christians cannot watch some TV or Movies. I believe followers of Jesus can have a healthy relationship with positive programming and making purposeful choices of what they watch, for me however, I needed a full and utter cleanse), to now allowing some things back into my eyes and mind but I could feel the difference in my spirit. I became more antsy, I could feel something drawing me towards wanting more of what I used to watch. Like an alcoholic who had that one drink and then cannot stop the sense of a full blown relapse coming. There was definitely an impact on my Spirit! I could feel myself being drawn towards wanting to watch TV or Movies or Youtube instead of praying or reading my Bible. I experienced more temping thoughts, especially temptations for wanting to look at porn or wanting to allow those bees to build a nest and to at least dwell on lustful thoughts in my mind of past porn images and memories. The Apostle Paul in Romans 8:13 says “13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” There is no doubt about it, there is a war in our bodies between the flesh which is drawn towards evil and our awakened spirits being drawn towards God. We must feed our spirits by ingesting light and put to death the things of the flesh, dying daily to our passions and desires and lusts and I believe taking the aggressive action required to eliminate the evil things in front of our eyes and in turn, beginning the process of progressive sanctification. The more you ingest the light and walk in the Light of Christ and in the spirit, the more purified your heart will become. I beg of you my friend, come out of darkness and into the Glorious Light of Christ! Jesus says in John 8:12 “12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” The more time you spend with Jesus, meditating on things that are good, the more like Jesus you will become and the more victory you will find over addictions to porn, movies, TV, Netflix, social media, Youtube, video games, technology, etc. This is all what lead me to choose on January 1st, 2026 to make my previous fast permanent in my life. A new life style all together of walking in the Light of Christ not allowing evil images in front of my eyes. This may not be required for everyone, but if yo are a recovering porn movie, or technology addict like me, you may want to seriously consider this in Prayer with Jesus. So, I’ll leave you with this passage from the Apostle Paul from his letter to the Philippian Church – this is my same prayer for you:

    “8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

  • From Pure Poison to Pure Life

    Pornography is poison. Jesus is Life. Would you rather be poisoned to death or be restored to the most abundant life you can possibly imagine? Pornography is pure poison for your soul. Jesus is pure life for all eternity. I beseech you my friend: come to Jesus! Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly”. The Thief Jesus spoke of is our true enemy, that serpent of old, Satan, the Devil. He comes to do nothing but to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy”. He does this in an almost endless variety of ways. I believe one of the most used tactics of our enemy on the Church today and the world, is Porn. Porn steals our true manhood and womanhood, it steals our time and our energy. It kills our marriages, it steals our kids, and ultimately, it destroys our hearts and minds and pulls us away from Christ. The evil of Porn is running rampant in our over sexualized culture today and it has absolutely infiltrated our churches. Men and woman of God are being pulled away and lied to every single day by Porn. Pastors are crumbling and whole ministries are being destroyed because of the lies of Porn. What promises to fill you up and leave you feeling good, alive, and powerful, instead leaves you empty, alone, hurt, and full of shame. Why does our enemy use porn so often and why is it so powerful and effective and why do so many men and woman truly desire to be free but haven’t yet been able to escape the poison of porn? Because Porn is highly addictive, unbelievably accessible, and ultimately for the viewer, is free but it also absolutely flourishes in the dark and secret place of a user’s life. Where other drugs like Alcohol, Heroine, Meth, or Cocaine must be procured, secretly transported and stored at great risk and expense to the user, Porn is 100% legal, free for the viewer and lives right inside your pocket! All day long inside your pocket your phone is within reach – why wouldn’t our enemy take advantage of such an easily accessible addiction?

    Porn has been called “Heroine for your soul”, “The new drug”, or “The drug of the technological age”. It’s as addictive as cocaine, yet as readily accessible in the western world as water. Porn users are becoming younger and younger with more and more boys and girls being exposed to porn at earlier ages each year. In his book “The Freedom Fight” – Ted Shimer does an incredible job of exposing the truths behind the poison of Porn. He focuses the beginning of the book into the realities of porn use in our culture, in our churches, among Christian men and woman and pastors, by revealing many statistics, surveys , and studies that have been done since the mid 90s until the present day. He also focus a few chapters on how Porn impacts our brains and changes our brain chemistry gripping the porn user in an addiction to extremely high levels of dopamine being released in the brain not only from the actual act of viewing porn and masturbating, but dopamine is also released from the “pursuit of porn” and often times “the fear of getting caught”. If you are struggling with porn use and truly want freedom, I highly recommend you do the research to understand how porn has changed your brain chemistry and how you are just as much addicted to the dopamine in your brain as you are to the images in front of your eyes.

    This article from iamatreasure.com, an organization working to “equip and empower women in the sex industry and survivors of trafficking to live healthy, flourishing lives and train others across the globe to do the same in their cities” is an awesome quick read on the impacts of porn on our brains. Here is another article on canopy.com giving further insight into the impacts of porn on the brain. With all this negative impact on our brains, you might wonder “how can I ever recover? Has too much damage been done?” Freedom is possible! I want to encourage you, The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans chapter 12 verse 2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God”. We can be transformed! In “The Freedom Fight” Ted Shimer, also goes into detail about the Neuroplasticity of the brain – old neuro pathways that remember our old bad habits can literally be “reformed” (or as Paul calls it “renewed”) – old can truly pass away and behold, the new can come (2 Cor 5:17)! New habits for a new life in Christ can be formed and the brain creates new nuero pathways to remember these new good habits. Modern science says our brains can be reformed – the bible teaches us our brains can be renewed – how incredible that modern science has proven what God spoke to us in his word through the Apostle Paul almost 2000 years ago! Not only is our mind renewed physically but, When you come to Jesus for the filling and transforming power of the Holy Spirit, your soul is renewed as well!

    Ted continues in “The Freedom Fight” by venturing into some statistics regarding porn use, most of which are hard to hear and make my stomach turn. Here are just a few examples: 1) in 2019, Pornhub, the largest online porn website in the world, boasted 42 billion visits, 115 million daily visits, and an unbelievable 170 years worth of content 2)Every single day in the United states there are an estimated 2.5 billion emails sent that contain pornographic images, 68 million searches for porn, 116,000 searches for child porn. 3) a nationwide survey done by the Barna group found that 79% of men aged 18-30 view porn at least once a month, 63% of men aged 18-30 view porn several times a week and 4) speaking about youth aged 10-18 in America, about 83% of boys and 57% of girls who have looked at porn have seen group sex, 69% of boys and 55% of girls have seen same-sex intercourse, 39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen sexual bondage, and 18% of boys and 10% of girls have seen portrayals of rape or sexual violence. If these numbers are shocking to you, good. They should be. Ted Shimer doesn’t shy away in his book from listing plenty more. We must face the truth: Porn is evil, it’s of the devil, of the darkness, and it has it’s hooks in our country, our youth, both men and women, boys and girls of all ages. We must wake up to the truth of Porn!

    The rise in porn use and the shocking younger ages of exposure have only been increasing. Think about it – Older generations had drastically less access to porn. They either had to physically go to an adult book store to get a magazine or a VHS tape or they had to endure the shame of purchasing a magazine from a local supermarket. Either way, until the internet, Porn had to be obtained. You had to leave your house to source it out. Once the internet hit in the mid 90s, access to Porn online skyrocketed. But nothing can compare to the boom of porn use after online streaming became readily available around 2006. In America, online porn use is protected by the first amendment as freedom of speech as long as the supplier doesn’t provide “obscene” imagery. Can you believe that? If we are being honest with ourselves before God, what about viewing porn is not obscene? The definition of obscene is “(of the portrayal or description of sexual matters) offensive or disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency.” – I dare to ask “By what standards of morality and decency are we as followers of Christ holding ourselves to”? God’s or the Worlds (and we could easily equate the world’s standards to those of the Devil)? In Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 3, the Apostle Paul clearly gives us the standard we are to live up to: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (NIV). Paul is saying here “Any amount, even a speck of sexual immorality is sinful in God’s eyes.” That is the standard put forth to us as followers of Jesus in the new testament.

    So we must ask ourselves “What is sexual immorality?” and “what is porn?”. For the former, The bible and Jesus are clear, any sexual activity, including masturbation, outside of Gods design for marriage is sexual immorality and is sinful, period. For the latter, many these days try to justify things by saying “if it’s not a literal sexual act with full blown nudity I’m seeing, than it’s not pornography” as if watching nudity or “soft core” sex scenes on Netflix or in other movies is okay as long as they aren’t searching for porn online secretly and masturbating. Let me be frank, God is clear through his word: seeing ANY nudity other than your husband or your wife within the union of marriage is sexually immoral, is impure, and is pornography. If you are struggling to overcome porn, you must cut out ALL nudity from before your eyes! However, just because it’s not nudity doesn’t mean you aren’t consuming sensual imagery and lusting after it. Jesus is also super clear, if you’ve thought about a woman sexually in your mind, you’ve already committed adultery with her in your heart, whether she’s naked or not. Therefore, you must take a vary hard but thorough stock of what you are putting in front of your eyes. You must remove all sensual imagery from your life. This won’t always be possible as our culture is so in-twined with sex and sensual imagery and you cannot avoid potentially seeing a sensual image on a billboard, on a magazine cover at the grocery check-out or something like that but, you must, as much as possible, guard your heart and your mind and you do this by guarding what is in front of your eyes and what is being put into your ears. If you see that billboard or magazine cover, bounce your eyes away! That swimsuit model can be consumed and lusted after even though she’s not naked and Sports Illustrated isn’t classified as pornography. If you are watching some streaming service show, if you are on social media or youtube, anywhere else on the internet, if you are seeing bikini-clad women in commercials during the football game or the cheerleaders at halftime, if you are watching sensual music videos, or ANY other form of video media with sensual imagery, might that lead to “a hint of sexual immorality” in your life or in your mind? Let’s face it, looking at sensual imagery, even if you aren’t purposefully lusting in your heart or mind, can severely antagonize your fleshly desires and can easily lead to lusting and wanting more – its a very slippery slope! Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all forms of evil” – cannot get much more clear than that!

    Jesus is waiting to help you by the power of his Holy Spirit to take that stock of your life, to begin sanctifying improper and immoral things out of your life and away from your eyes. He’s ready right now to help you, just call upon him, surrender your life to his will, receive salvation from all your sins, eternal life with him, a crown of glory one day in the new heaven and receive another helper, The Holy Spirit, in this life now who will be there with you every step of the way guiding you on the narrow path that leads to life! Jesus not only saves us, but 1 John 1:9 tells us “if you confess your sins he is faithful and just to forgive you your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness”. Jesus cleans us and makes us pure! Jesus is pure life!

    You may be wondering the odd choice of picture at the beginning of this post. Well, I think it’s very fitting! Let me explain. In J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic fantasy universe of “The Lord of The Rings” we find many correlations to biblical truths written into a fictional fantasy saga. We are introduced to a magical ring that represents sin – or more closely represents our most evil fleshly desires as sinful humans. A group of companions set out on an epic journey to destroy this “one ring to rule them all” for ever by casting it into a river of lava inside Mt. Doom. However, along the way, they encounter one of the most memorable fictional characters of all time: Gollum. Gollum is described as a “gangley creature”. Gollum had possessed the one ring for over 500 years as it gave to him unnatural long life and we are told by the Elven Queen Galadriel “For 500 years, it poisoned his mind”. Gollum lived in a cold, dark cave deep under the misty mountains where the ring, and his lust of it, consumed him. He would spend days upon days and years upon years hunched over that ring in the dark of his cave speaking out into the emptiness “My Precious” as he stroked the ring and gazed at it longingly. 500 years with the ring and yet not satisfied! The ring and its maker, the evil lord Sauron, had promised whoever wielded it ultimate power, glory, and prestige. But after 500 years of endlessly lusting after the ring, we find Gollum in a helpless, hopeless existence, a slave to the one ring and to the lust of it. However, Gollum didn’t start out this way. He used to be called Smeagol and came into possession of the one ring by chance, but also by murdering his cousin Deagol to steal the ring from him. After 500 years in the presence of pure evil, his personally split and he became Gollum. He acquired the ring by “stealing”, He “killed” his cousin Deagol to obtain it, and it “destroyed” his life leaving him an empty shell of who he once used to be completely overcome by his lust for the ring which broke him into two personalities – the true self Smeagol, and the evil self, Gollum. Does this sound familiar? Recall where we started: John 10:10 “”The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly”. Throughout the Lord of the Rings we see an almost redemption for Smeagol – at one point he even directly tells Gollum to “go away and never return” and for a brief moment Smeagol proclaims “Smeagol is free!”. However, his escape form his lust is but temporary, for there had been no real change in his heart, only a momentary understanding of who he truly is. Gollum returns by the end of the story with a vengeance and his lust for the ring is his ultimate demise. He steals it once again from Frodo by biting Frodo’s finger clean off and he is finally re-united with the ring, where he begins to proclaim “Precious! Precious! My Precious!” as he dances around on the cliff above the river of lava – in his excitement, he falls off the cliff to his death, burning up in the lava – his lust and addiction to the ring literally destroyed him in the end.

    I have felt like Gollum in my addiction to porn – have you? I often felt like a creature. Like less than human. Slinking around behind closed doors in the dark. Hiding who I really was in the darkness of my cave (bedroom) while huddled over “My Precious” (my phone looking at porn). Often lying and cheating and manipulating everyone and everything around me to ensure I could continue in my destructive ways and get my next fix. I was poisoned by my lust for porn and that poison had seeped deep down into my heart. I was on the path of destroying myself too – on that path I was met by the one and only person who could turn it all around, Jesus Christ! Maybe you are reading Gollum’s tragic story and feeling like it’s a little too close to home? Maybe you can relate to how I was feeling in my darkest hour? If that’s you, my friend, Smeagol missed his chance of redemption. Don’t miss Yours! Your opportunity for redemption, forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and a truly transformed heart and life is waiting for you, right here and right now – In Jesus Christ our Lord! Jesus redeemed me, he can do the same for you! 3+ years sober of porn and I no longer feel like a creature, no longer like I’m less than human. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus and he reminds me every day how much he loves me, cares for me, renews me, cleans me up, and wants me close to him exactly as I am! He has restored my manhood, my place as my wife’s husband and the head of my house hold, and as the father to my children. I am no longer only focused on myself and my needs, but every day Jesus teaches me how to be others focused, serving those around me in humility and love, because he was the most humble and showed the ultimate love to me that while I was yet sinning, he died for me! He continually renews my mind. He has restored me to true life! I have a long way to go and will be fighting this battle everyday for the rest of my time on this earth but I know this: Jesus won the victory for me yesterday (I didn’t look at porn yesterday), he won the victory for me today (I didn’t look at porn today), and he can win the victory for me tomorrow! I will be trusting in him. Will you?

    -In Christ, Ryan

    “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

  • You Are Royalty, She is Royalty, Because He is Royalty

    Do you know that you were created for royalty? Do you know that the woman on that porn site, the one you are lusting after, the one trapped and coerced and abused into unspeakable acts of degrading, dignity destroying, darkness and despair was created for royalty too? Do you know that Jesus Christ died for you, for me, and for her, and that he rose victorious from the dead on the third day, defeating sin and death and restoring our access to a relationship with God the Father? Do you know that Jesus want’s to restore your true manhood, her true womanhood, restore you both to a life of honesty, nobility and integrity, and elevate you and that poor woman on your screen to the royal status we were intended for? Has it ever crossed your mind that she was made in God’s image just like you were and that she is intended to reign with Christ as a Queen of the new creation?

    Jesus was successful in his Mission and that is something to praise God Almighty for! He completed his calling and followed his Father’s will and was obedient even to death on a cross (Phil 2:8) and because of this, God the Father has glorified his Son Jesus! Jesus has overcome and has been given incredible rewards from his Father beyond our comprehension. He will reign as High King of the new heaven and the new earth for all eternity. Riches, glory, honor, and power are all due his name because he will be found worthy as the “Lion of the tribe of Judah” and “the Root of David” to open the scroll (Rev 5:5). Do you know that if you put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ that you will be adopted into the family of God, called a child of the most high God and that as a child of God you will co-inherit Jesus’ reward in the new creation (Rom 8: 16-17)? When he comes, which only the Father knows the day or the hour when Jesus will return, Jesus will gather his Church (The Bride of Christ) together and we will all partake in a massive ceremony: the marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev 19: 6-9). We will be crowned Kings and Queens of the new creation and will be appointed to reign as joint heirs with Christ over that new creation forever and ever.

    In his book “The Death of Porn” Pastor Ray Ortlund expounds on this truth for the first 3 chapters. When I say that this book changed my life, I mean to my very core. I’m a firm believer that the Holy Spirit works through others and their experiences and wisdom to write books that can touch us very deeply. The Spirit seems to constantly lead me to just the right book at the right moment for what I’m going through or the area in which I’m currently experiencing growth. Reading “The Death of Porn”, as hard as it was to accept the reality of what Pastor Ortlund was writing and to stair my sin in it’s ugly face, I felt loved by Jesus through this book like I never had before. It opened my eyes to my royalty in Christ. Pastor Ortlund’s words of wisdom through 6 letters written from an older man to a younger man touched my soul on a different level and truly opened my eyes for the first time to the horrors of Porn and worse, the horrors of the reality of my involvement in using Porn. I had already been following Jesus for about a year when this book was recommended to me by my Brother-In-Law. I had overcome alcohol use (honestly not on my own though, Jesus just took away my desire for alcohol instantly the moment I surrendered my heart to the Lord and I haven’t had a drink in over 4 years -Praise God!) but I was still struggling with using porn. I had stopped looking so often and had surrendered my will to God’s but “old habits die hard” as they say and I was still secretly looking at porn maybe every other month or so for another year after I came to Christ. I tried for a little while to figure this out on my own but it wasn’t until my pride was absolutely crushed while reading “The Death or Porn” that I cried out to Jesus and asked the Holy Spirit for real change in my heart. You see, porn use is an outward expression of an inward problem. My problem was not my porn use, that was surface level. My problem was that I loved my sin in my heart more than God. I needed a heart surgeon! I didn’t want to desire porn any more. I didn’t want to use it anymore. I didn’t want it in my life anymore. I didn’t want to think about it anymore or dream about it anymore. I wanted nothing to do with it, period. I gave it up to the Lord and Praise God, I’ve been sober of Porn use for 3+ years now. By coming to an understanding of our current and future royalty in Jesus, Pastor Ray gently helped me see the truth as hard as it may be to say: for 15 years I was siding with Satan against God and against woman. Satan hates woman. He loves blind oblivious men. He loves when we blindly seek after sexual gratification through the abuse, rape, and trafficking of woman likely without even knowing it (if you don’t believe that these things go on behind the scenes or if you believe that the woman you are masturbating to is having a “good time” or “enjoying” it, I beg you my friend, please wake up, come to Jesus, seek the truth and you will find it). He loves keeping us in that bondage – in that low place of degraded manhood.

    Can you face a couple hard truths with me: porn is fake sex – porn is evil – porn is of utter darkness – it is not of the light (1 John 1: 5-10). Porn is a worthless shadow of the true plans God has for you and your sexuality. Any sexual climax you’ve ever had by looking at porn and masturbating can never even compare to the truth of the design God has for our lives: it’s called marriage. The bible is clear, God created us in his image, he created human’s as only two genders, male and female (Gen 1: 26-28) and within his design for marriage we clearly see one man and one woman joined together as one flesh, permanent and exclusive till death do us part (Gen 2: 24-25). All other sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful, period. Hebrews 13:4 cannot be clearer on God’s design for marriage as the only place to experience true sex as God intended it “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”. I love the chapter in “The Death of Porn” where Pastor Ortlund doesn’t shy away from elaborating on how fake porn is and how every time we look at porn what we are truly looking for is Jesus! I highly recommend you read “The Death of Porn”.

    If you are a young single man struggling with lust and porn, come to Jesus, surrender to him, ask him to fill you with the Holy Spirit, and start praying for a wife! Not the wife you think you want or worse, deserve, with the right looks, shape, size, interests, etc. etc. etc. but begin praying earnestly for the wife God has prepared for you from the foundations of the earth – ask, aligning with God’s will, and you will receive (Luke 9: 9-10). Within that marriage you can experience true sex with the partner God intended for you – nothing can ever compare with that! However, don’t expect the temptations to stop just because you get married. I’ve spoken to many men over the past few years of all ages (some in their 80s!) and if you are a man, here is the next fact to face: we will struggle with temptation in the area of lust for the rest of our lives until Jesus glorifies us in Heaven. However, the Apostle Paul is clear in his letter to the Corinthian Church “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to [a]bear it.” (1 Cor 10:13). Did you catch that? God himself will make the “way of escape” for you – pray and ask him to reveal it to you, I’m confident he will – but it will be up to you to take the way of escape time after time, day after day, year after year but don’t worry, God himself will be there to help you every step of the way through the power of his Holy Spirit, simply yield your desires to him every single day – if you go one day without porn, praise him, give him glory and tell him “Lord you helped me today, please help me tomorrow, I need you every day, I cannot win this fight on my own, I surrender to you, please change my heart from the inside out” – as you overcome porn one day at a time, continue to come to him, continue to give him the glory and never worry “God is Faithful” he will always be there to help you when you call upon his name (Jer 29: 11-13)

    If you are a married man struggling with lust or porn use, I beg of you to do the same! Come to Jesus, surrender to him, ask daily for the power of the Holy Spirit and begin seeing your wife in an entirely new way: as the God given gift she is! As the woman God prepared for you before time began and as the Queen of the new creation she is intended to be. Radiant, valiant, beautiful inside and out exactly as God made her. He made her for you, and you for her. Her sexuality for you and yours for her. Permanent and exclusive. We must stop being selfish. We must cry out to the Lord in true repentance and begin putting our spouse before our selves. In marriage we are servants of each other, we are not in it for our own gain. Marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the Church and Paul summed up our role as Husbands with this impossible task: Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for her.” Although we may fail at this task, let it be our goal as Husbands to strive to be more Christ like daily towards our wives (if you are single, how are you relating to the single woman in your life? This verse is for you too, are you treating the women in your life as if they could be your future wife? Are you loving them as God’s daughters and/or sisters in Christ the same way Jesus loves his Church?) – one day at a time, one step at a time. God has allowed us the privilege to show our wives how much Christ loves them, through our words, our actions, our denying of ourselves and putting them and their needs before our own. Let’s treat them like the queens they are! Protecting them, defending them, providing not only for their physical needs but also for their emotional needs, being available to them emotionally and honestly speaking about our struggles with lust and porn. Being honest is the only way to rebuild trust. By being patient with them. They’ve been hurt by your porn use and often times they need space and time and pray to heal. My wife and I, by the grace of God and by alot of time, prayer, couples counseling and by showing up every day to do the work required, have reconciled and have grown closer than ever, all by God’s transforming grace and it started with me, in the name of Jesus, casting out the demon of porn use in my life. Let us pray that God fills us with the Holy Spirit every day, that we deny our own selfish desires, that we guard our hearts and our minds by being conscious of what we put in front of our eyes and what we allow in our homes, and let us show our love for Jesus to our wives, our sisters, our mothers, or family, our friends, and to the world by casting away the evil of porn.

    I have always loved C. S. Lewis’ “The Chronicles of Narnia”. As a teen I used to have a tradition where every Christmas Eve I would stay up the entire night and starting with “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe” I would read the Chronicles of Narnia books straight through and see how far I could get. I think the best I did was through the first 4 books and into The 5th Book (speaking in the order they were published) and I ended up somewhere in “The Horse and His Boy” before Christmas morning rolled around! Throughout all the times I read those books, I knew there was some correlation between the narrative and the truths found in God’s word. The honest truth is though, I had no idea how much of the bible there is in the Chronicles of Narnia! In particular, I had never given much thought to the ending of “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe” until after I came to Jesus. With help from Pastor Ray Ortlund and “The Death of Porn”, I finally understood the full picture because I finally understood that I was created for royalty. That I was ripped away from that purpose when I had sinned and fallen from God’s grace, but that God had restored me to that royal status through the finished work of Jesus on the cross and that one day, I will be crowned a King of the new creation and reign with Christ forever and ever (Rev 22:4). The picture we see in”The Lion The Witch, and The Wardrobe” is this: The main characters, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy overcome great odds and opposition by defeating the evil White Witch who had taken over Narnia and enslaved it’s citizens in a never ending Winter. The great lion Aslan (the Christ figure) had sacrificed himself in place of Edmund on the stone table. The White Witch thought she had victory, but Aslan new the deeper magic. The stone table cracked and the spell and power of the White Witch over the land was broken. After defeating the White Witch and her army in a final battle, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy are crowned Kings and Queens of Narnia where they rule with kindness and love and peace and justice over the citizens of Narnia. As you read the scene from the book below, put yourself in the story. See yourself there as Peter or Susan or Edmund or Lucy, imagine for a minute the truth that comes into this story from God’s word, the truth of God’s love for you and the lengths he was willing to go to save you and how Jesus is in Heaven right now, waiting for the day when he can crown you! As you read it, imagine for a minute that all the women you’ve ever lusted after on porn sites have the same royal destiny! If you and they put your faith and trust in Jesus, turn from your sin to God and ask him for his forgiveness, no matter what you’ve done, said, thought, no matter the sins of your past, present, and future, Jesus sacrificed himself for them on the cross and the power of sin and death was broken, once and for all! If you follow Jesus, he will help you every day by the power of his Spirit, and you will be crowned a King or Queen of the new creation and you will reign with Christ forever and ever!

    ‘For then, in the Great Hall of Cair Paravel – that wonderful hall with ivory roof and the west wall hung with peacock’s feathers and the eastern door which looks towards the sea, in the presence of all their friends and to the sound of trumpets, Alsan solemnly crowned them and led them to the four thrones amid deafening shouts of, “Long Live King Peter, Long Live Queen Susan, Long Live King Edmund, Long Live Queen Lucy!” – “Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. Bear it well, Sons of Adam! Bear it Well, Daughters of Eve!” said Aslan. And through the eastern door, which was wide open, came the voices of the mermen and the mermaids swimming close to the shore and singing in honor of the new Kings and Queens. So the Children sat on their thrones and scepters were put in their hands and they gave rewards and honors to all their friends, to Tumnus the Faun, and to the Beavers, and Giant Rumble-Buffin, to the Leopards, and the good centaurs, and the good dwarfs, and to the lion. And that night there was a great feast in Cair Paravel, and revelry and dancing, and gold flashed and wine flowed, and answering to the music inside, but stranger, sweeter, and more piercing, came the music of the sea people.’

    -In Christ, Ryan.

    “To He who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His Throne” – Jesus Christ (Rev 3:21)

  • Another Helper

    “If you love me, keep my commandments. And I will pray the Father, and he will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever- the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.” John 14:15-17 (NKJV)

    Have you made the choice between this world or the next? Do you love your sin more than God? Do you love the temporary more than the eternal? Do you love porn more than purity? Are you tired of constantly falling back into your sin? Do you know in your heart that looking at porn is wrong, sinful, and hurtful to yourself, those around you, and to the woman on your screen but there is just that uncontrollable urge? It starts in your mind, with a single thought. It quickly moves to your stomach. Maybe your hands start to shake a bit and your mouth begins to salivate. The thoughts get stronger likely bringing back images from past sessions with porn or nudity you’ve seen in movies or on TV. Maybe a particular word or a group of keywords is triggering to you and just thinking those words brings it all back and begins the cycle. You tell yourself “no, not again, not this time, I’m not giving in”. Maybe you are able to hold that urge at bay for a little while, maybe even a few days or a week or a month. But, just like every time before, you inevitably give in and look at porn.

    After giving in, you feel horrible inside. The guilt and shame of your sin is crushing. You might begin berating yourself and condemning yourself (beating yourself up). Maybe you run and hide or, if you are like me before I gave my heart to Jesus, you just kept looking at more porn to try to hide from the guilt and shame, blind to the fact that you are just stuck in a vicious cycle that the Devil loves to keep you blind to (known as the “Shame cycle” https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/understanding-the-shame-cycle/). However, maybe you know/knew the Lord already or you’ve come to know him and you are still struggling with porn use/addiction. After using, You immediately come to the Lord and you ask for his forgiveness. Maybe you make a promise like “I’ll never do that again” but you’ve made that promise before knowing all too well that you don’t even believe the words that you are saying – maybe you wish it were true, but you don’t really believe it. After each failure back into porn, maybe You make a few changes to your daily routine, maybe you throw out your computer or get a flip phone. Maybe you’ve made changes to your living room furniture to try to avoid hiding behind the screen. Maybe you’ve even read a book or two on purity or you’ve spoken to a Pastor seeking help. You’ve made changes out of a genuine feeling in your heart that you no longer want to look at porn. But regardless of all these things, you still keep going back, you keep failing. Are you wondering what’s missing? I know I was.

    I had followed so many of the above patterns in my life that I was at rock bottom and on Oct 3rd. 2021, I found the secret: I had gotten myself into the mess but I was also trying to clean it up. I was trying on my own power to win a battle that is spiritual in nature and involves the deepest parts of our hearts. I had gotten myself into the mess, I needed SOMEONE ELSE to get me out of the mess. I couldn’t do it on my own and neither can you.

    When Jesus showed up in my life he gave me a choice: “Follow me as you say you are, or get out of my house and stop defiling my name”. I chose to follow Jesus. Jesus says we must deny our selves, pickup our cross daily and follow him. But, I didn’t know how to follow Jesus. I was raised in the Baptist Church and had come to the knowledge of my sin and need of a Savior and asked Jesus to forgive me when I was 16 years old. I was now 33 and I was confused. Why if I knew Jesus as my savior, was going to church, was reading my Bible (albeit, very infrequently), was serving on the Worship team at Church on Sunday, was I living like the Devil Monday-Saturday? Why was I not able to stop sinning? Why was I digging a bottomless pit for myself one day at a time while spinning a web of lies, hurting everyone around me, destroying my marriage, all the while knowing in my mind that what I was doing was wrong and clearly contradicted the persona I was playing on Sundays? It took me about a year to figure out the answer to these questions but God is so faithful! He is so loving and Patient and kind and wants us to learn and to grow and to come to him. God very quickly put a mentor in my life who began to teach me the missing piece in the puzzle for me: I didn’t know the Holy Spirit. I knew about the trinity and believed in the Triune God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But since I was never taught in my earlier life about the role of the Holy Spirit in our walk with Jesus, I wasn’t able to win victory over my sin and addictions as I wasn’t calling upon the Spirit for help. Here is a major Truth Bomb for you: The Holy Spirit is a person! Just like God the Father, and God the Son, The Holy Spirit is God and he is a person – the third person in the trinity. I wasn’t filled with the Spirit (although 100% he was already dwelling inside of me, I was just ignoring him for 17 years!), and I certainly wasn’t asking him to win my battle against porn for me. By Gods grace, that mentor handed me a book called “Under His Influence” by Pastor Lloyd Pulley of Calvary Chapel Old Bridge, NJ. Like most millennials, I had a “reading problem”: which means I hadn’t read a book in probably 15 years! However, when I said the words “Okay Lord, I’m done” little did I know that in my heart of hearts in that moment I had truly surrendered to the Lord. Surrendered my will to his and I was ready to allow the Holy Spirit into my life, to lead me, guide me, transform me, and to help me to yield my desires to his. By God’s transforming grace and the influence of the Holy Spirit, I began to not only read the book, but apply the truth of it in my day to day and it absolutely changed my life.

    What I knew is that Jesus was my Savior and was the perfect sacrifice in my place on the cross. His death on the cross appeased God’s wrath and therefore I can stand fully justified before a Holy God, not on my own merit but because of Jesus Christ’s finished work on the cross – because of his life, his death, and his resurrection. Therefore I had put my trust in him and he became my Savior. In that moment, the Bible is clear that the Holy Spirit came to dwell inside of me (1 Cor 6:18:20). However, I was never discipled. No one took me under their wing and explained to me that in that moment not only had the Holy Spirit come to dwell in me but that he came as my Helper. No one helped me understand that He was sent to followers of Jesus to help us overcome the sinful nature we currently still reside within this side of eternity. I didn’t know what it meant to be “Baptized in the Holy Spirit” and how this can at times be a separate event from the moment you believe in Jesus Christ as your Savior (See Acts Chapter 19: 1-6 where the Apostle Paul encounters a group of men who clearly believe in John’s Baptism meaning they believe that Jesus is the Messiah and accept him as such, but also clearly had not received the full power of the Holy Spirit). Therefore, I believe I was saved at 16, the Holy Spirit came to dwell inside of me, but I was never Baptized in the Holy Spirit until that moment at age 33 when I surrendered my life to Christ and gave up of my own will for his. I quickly learned by reading “Under His Influence” that Jesus had given me an unspeakable gift – not only eternal life in the new creation to come but also a very powerful helper who wants nothing more than to break us free from all the bondage of sin as we continue to walk with Jesus in this current life.

    The Holy Spirit is the key to following Jesus! He is the key to overcoming addictions. He is the key to changing behaviors and the way we think and talk (example: removing foul language from your mouth Col 3:8). He is the key to wisdom and knowledge of God and to understanding the Bible. He is the key to a truly transformed heart and a truly transformed life. He is the key to never turning back and continuing to follow Jesus all the way into the throne room of Heaven. As I became aware of the Holy Spirit and his role in my life and continued to yield to him, Galatians 5:19-25 became so clear to me. It was clear that I was previously living like the Devil because in my sinful nature I am like the Devil! We are inherently evil and there is no good within us. Those not walking in the spirit follow the desires of our own hearts. Paul is clear, those who are without the Holy Spirit or who are not yielding to his influence in their lives exhibit these’ “adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries and the like” and that “those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God”. Ouch! I see a good handful of those in my past life and I’m certainly still exhibiting some of those characteristics at times in my life now. However, Paul is also very clear to the contrary, those who walk in the Spirit, calling upon the spirit, being filled daily with the Spirit and yielding to his power in their lives will exhibit these: “But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” Yes please! I will gladly take a daily heaping helping of the fruits of the spirit! How about you? We cannot exhibit these true characteristics of the Spirit unless we are daily walking in the Spirit. These are all so important but lets never forget that last one in the list: Self-Control. This might be the most powerful fruit of the Spirit in the area of overcoming Porn use/addiction.

    I have been coming into Jesus’ presence daily since Oct 3rd of 2021. I have asked Jesus every day to fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. To win the battle for me and to help me overcome. Daily I am being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit in me and here is maybe the best kept secret around right now: This power is available to EVERY follower of Jesus! Do you believe this is true? Do you believe you can call upon the Holy Spirit, yield to his influence in your life, and that you will actually overcome Porn use/addiction? I am a living testimony of this being the truth. I am over 4 years sober of Alcohol, 3 years sober of Smoking, and 3 years sober of Porn. I continue to fight the fight every single day. Yes, I continue to struggle with temptation and we will never stop being tempted until we are glorified with Jesus in Heaven. Do not be deceived, our enemy wants us to go back and stop following Jesus so he will continue to try every angle with temptations to get you to fall, but be of good Cheer! Jesus has overcome our Enemy! The more time I spend with Jesus, the more I walk in the Spirit, the lighter the temptations and I find myself beating them more and more every single day. I continue to come into Jesus’ presence, I spend time with him, learning from the Word of God, reading Christian books often (I hadn’t read a book in 15 years and since surrendering to Jesus I’ve read more than 50 books and I’ve read the Bible cover to cover almost 8 times in 4 years – I do not say this to boast but to shine light on the power of the Holy Spirit in my life – do you feel like you cannot sit still and read the Bible? Do you want to read the Bible more? Surrender to Jesus, come into his presence daily, and ask him to fill you with the Power of the Holy Spirit – continually! Start reading and within a year, I bet you’ll be surprised at your growth), and God is Faithful! He continues to help me daily and I believe 100% that he will be there for me as often as I call upon him. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Those who seek after God will find him. When we return to God, he returns to us. When we come to God, repent of our sins, and ask for his cleansing, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He is the victory over sin, over death, and over all struggles in this life that keep us in bondage. Jesus is my victory over Porn addiction, now and forever and the Holy Spirit is my daily Helper keeping me on the straight and narrow path that leads to life. Does this mean I won’t fail, no, I cannot say “I’ll never do that again” But I can say 100 times a day if needed: “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner, please help me every day by the filling me with the power of your Holy Spirit, please win the battle for me – help me overcome the sinful nature in me, help me not to look at porn today and help me to have pure thoughts, dreams, and intentions. Please be my strength in time of temptations and my forgiveness anytime I fail. You won the victory in my heart and mind yesterday, please win the victory again today!” Each day I’ve prayed this pray, Jesus has remained faithful. He is the victory in my life, one day at a time. My honest and heartfelt prayer is that he will be yours! Come to Jesus today, Surrender your life to him, ask him to be filled with the Spirit daily, yield to the influence of the spirit daily in your life, and watch the transformation begin!

    -In Christ, Ryan.

    Luke 11:9-13: “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

  • Counting the Cost

    Have you ever counted the cost of your porn use? I’m not talking about money – why would it cost you money when an infinite amount of porn is available at your finger tips just a click away for free? I’m talking about the cost to your soul. The cost to your life and to the life of the woman you are lusting after. About the cost to your marriage, your family, and to your kids. Has it ever crossed your mind that the woman you are lusting after might have not wanted to be in front of the camera that day? That she wasn’t having a good time? That she would have rather been any other place doing any other thing than having her dignity taken away for the sexual gratification of strangers? Have you thought about the cost to her and her life and her soul? Has it ever crossed your mind that she is God’s daughter, created in his image, and destined to be a Queen of the new creation should she put her trust in Jesus? Have you ever counted the cost?

    I spent the better part of 15 years with none of these questions on my mind. I wasted countless hours of my life lusting after exploited woman on my screen of choice. I never counted the cost until it was too late. Until I hit rock bottom where there was nowhere to turn except to Jesus. Jesus showed up in my life on Oct 3rd of 2021 – he showed up big time! I grew up in Church, I was aware of Jesus at a young age. I accepted him into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior when I was 16 years old. I grew up knowing all the Bible stories and as a young adult, I was saying all the right things on Sunday, speaking the Church talk, playing piano on the worship team, and looking like a follower of Jesus. But the rest of the week I was walking in utter darkness. Secretly pouring the evil of Porn into my soul without thinking. Satisfying my fleshly desires , thinking only of myself and my next fix – I failed to count the cost. After 15 years of hypocrisy, Jesus opened my eyes. I truly accepted him and surrendered my life to him in a single moment. I wasn’t able to put words to the situation until a few years later but in the moment, it felt like panic attack. The full weight of the darkness in my soul came to light in an instant, i was crushed under the weight of it, and my spiritual eyes were opened. I felt the pain in my soul from all of the things I was involved in at the time – smoking, drinking, obsessed with Horror movies, watching violent and gory content on Netflix and other streaming platforms, my diet was horrible and was a steady intake of the worst junk food possible, I was addicted to Soda and other sugary drinks. But, most of all, I knew that my porn use was the number 1 sin in my heart. I immediately repented of my sins and I could only speak 4 words out loud “Okay, Lord. I’m Done.” A few years later I knew that Jesus had given me a choice in that moment: either follow him as I was pretending to do in Church on Sundays or go follow the world where my heart truly was. I made the choice to follow Jesus.

    In Luke 14:28-33 Jesus peaks a parable and says “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it. Lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish all who see it begin to mock him, saying “This man began to build and was not able to finish”? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple”. When I spoke those 4 words “Okay, Lord, I’m done” I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t know the amount of work I would have to do and the amount of surrendering I would have to do continuously over the past 4 years for Jesus to clean me up and for me to have lasting victory over my addictions, in particular Porn. What I really didn’t know is that I cannot do that work on my own. I need the Holy Spirit daily to do it for me. I must call upon the name of the Lord, surrender to him, and let him win the victory in my life over my sins. I must yield to the influence of the spirit daily and I must humble myself to take real practical steps towards healing, freedom, and victory over Porn. Now, four years later, as the apostle Peter said, I have come to know and believe that Jesus is the Messiah and that he holds the words of eternal life. Just like the Apostles, we are presented opportunity after opportunity by our enemy the Devil to turn back from following Jesus for wide is the gate and wide is the way and many go through by it, but narrow is the way and narrow is the gate that leads to life and there are few who find it. I must count the cost of that next mouse click, that wandering thought, or my wandering eyes at the grocery store. I must count the cost that the woman on the screen paid during such a terrible experience that she went through. I must count the cost of my sin on my wife, on my kids, on my church, on those who know me. I must count the cost, am I willing to turn back from following Jesus? I must come to Jesus (Matt 11:28-30) daily, repent of my sins, and pickup my cross and follow him (Luke 14:27).

    Jesus bore his cross and was obedient even to death. Jesus says in Revelation 3:21 “To he who over comes, I grant to sit with me on my throne, as I also overcame and sat down with my Father on his thrown”. Do you think Jesus counted the cost before following his Father’s will? His cost was his very life on the cross. Jesus followed, he knew the cost, he overcame, and he sat down at the right hand of the Father and is still there, in his resurrected human body, always making intercession for us. What is Jesus praying for us? I believe he’s praying that we will overcome. That we will pickup our cross, denying ourselves, giving up of the things of this world, and that we will follow him on the narrow path that leads to life. It’s my honest heartfelt prayer that you come to Jesus, surrender your life to him, repent of your sins, put your faith and trust in him, ask him daily to fill you with the power of the Holy Spirit, and find overcoming power in Jesus to help you break free from the bondage and evil of Porn.

    -In Christ, Ryan.