To He Who Overcomes

Have you ever counted the cost of your porn use? I’m not talking about money – why would it cost you money when an infinite amount of porn is available at your finger tips just a click away for free? I’m talking about the cost to your soul. The cost to your life and to the life of the woman you are lusting after. About the cost to your marriage, your family, and to your kids. Has it ever crossed your mind that the woman you are lusting after might have not wanted to be in front of the camera that day? That she wasn’t having a good time? That she would have rather been any other place doing any other thing than having her dignity taken away for the sexual gratification of strangers? Have you thought about the cost to her and her life and her soul? Has it ever crossed your mind that she is God’s daughter, created in his image, and destined to be a Queen of the new creation should she put her trust in Jesus? Have you ever counted the cost?

I spent the better part of 15 years with none of these questions on my mind. I wasted countless hours of my life lusting after exploited woman on my screen of choice. I never counted the cost until it was too late. Until I hit rock bottom where there was nowhere to turn except to Jesus. Jesus showed up in my life on Oct 3rd of 2021 – he showed up big time! I grew up in Church, I was aware of Jesus at a young age. I accepted him into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior when I was 16 years old. I grew up knowing all the Bible stories and as a young adult, I was saying all the right things on Sunday, speaking the Church talk, playing piano on the worship team, and looking like a follower of Jesus. But the rest of the week I was walking in utter darkness. Secretly pouring the evil of Porn into my soul without thinking. Satisfying my fleshly desires , thinking only of myself and my next fix – I failed to count the cost. After 15 years of hypocrisy, Jesus opened my eyes. I truly accepted him and surrendered my life to him in a single moment. I wasn’t able to put words to the situation until a few years later but in the moment, it felt like panic attack. The full weight of the darkness in my soul came to light in an instant, i was crushed under the weight of it, and my spiritual eyes were opened. I felt the pain in my soul from all of the things I was involved in at the time – smoking, drinking, obsessed with Horror movies, watching violent and gory content on Netflix and other streaming platforms, my diet was horrible and was a steady intake of the worst junk food possible, I was addicted to Soda and other sugary drinks. But, most of all, I knew that my porn use was the number 1 sin in my heart. I immediately repented of my sins and I could only speak 4 words out loud “Okay, Lord. I’m Done.” A few years later I knew that Jesus had given me a choice in that moment: either follow him as I was pretending to do in Church on Sundays or go follow the world where my heart truly was. I made the choice to follow Jesus.

In Luke 14:28-33 Jesus peaks a parable and says “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it. Lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish all who see it begin to mock him, saying “This man began to build and was not able to finish”? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple”. When I spoke those 4 words “Okay, Lord, I’m done” I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t know the amount of work I would have to do and the amount of surrendering I would have to do continuously over the past 4 years for Jesus to clean me up and for me to have lasting victory over my addictions, in particular Porn. What I really didn’t know is that I cannot do that work on my own. I need the Holy Spirit daily to do it for me. I must call upon the name of the Lord, surrender to him, and let him win the victory in my life over my sins. I must yield to the influence of the spirit daily and I must humble myself to take real practical steps towards healing, freedom, and victory over Porn. Now, four years later, as the apostle Peter said, I have come to know and believe that Jesus is the Messiah and that he holds the words of eternal life. Just like the Apostles, we are presented opportunity after opportunity by our enemy the Devil to turn back from following Jesus for wide is the gate and wide is the way and many go through by it, but narrow is the way and narrow is the gate that leads to life and there are few who find it. I must count the cost of that next mouse click, that wandering thought, or my wandering eyes at the grocery store. I must count the cost that the woman on the screen paid during such a terrible experience that she went through. I must count the cost of my sin on my wife, on my kids, on my church, on those who know me. I must count the cost, am I willing to turn back from following Jesus? I must come to Jesus (Matt 11:28-30) daily, repent of my sins, and pickup my cross and follow him (Luke 14:27).

Jesus bore his cross and was obedient even to death. Jesus says in Revelation 3:21 “To he who over comes, I grant to sit with me on my throne, as I also overcame and sat down with my Father on his thrown”. Do you think Jesus counted the cost before following his Father’s will? His cost was his very life on the cross. Jesus followed, he knew the cost, he overcame, and he sat down at the right hand of the Father and is still there, in his resurrected human body, always making intercession for us. What is Jesus praying for us? I believe he’s praying that we will overcome. That we will pickup our cross, denying ourselves, giving up of the things of this world, and that we will follow him on the narrow path that leads to life. It’s my honest heartfelt prayer that you come to Jesus, surrender your life to him, repent of your sins, put your faith and trust in him, ask him daily to fill you with the power of the Holy Spirit, and find overcoming power in Jesus to help you break free from the bondage and evil of Porn.

-In Christ, Ryan.